yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
