As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
