Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
