And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
