I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
