Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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