you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
