I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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