There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
