Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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