My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
