everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
