I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
