Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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