just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
