im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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