Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
