and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
