I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
