Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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