her vagine was all disorganized.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
