Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
