I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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