what day is it and did you see me today?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We had sex on a dog bed..
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
