it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just had sex bonerless
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
