Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
