He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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