Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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