You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
