Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
