he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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