I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
