I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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