all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
