I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
