i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
