I faked an abortion last night.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
