i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I still have a little drunk in my system
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
