Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
