I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
