i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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