so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
