Whod you bang
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
