Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
