so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
