the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Randomize
