I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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