I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
