You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
