I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
