i need an iv and a liver transplant
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
