I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We need a shit load of segways right now
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Randomize
